The Things You Can Find…

Check out what Mr. Sub found today at the local liquor store….

and polygamy tastes great might I add

There’s an app for that!

I was checking my Facebook stream and saw an interesting article link called Are you Ready for the Future of Safer Sex. The female sex blogger was talking about a new app Chec-mate by STFree Inc. She was looking at it from the perspective of a single, but this would be amazing for those in the lifestyle! All you need to do is download the app and enter some of your info, get tested at an authorized screening center, and have them send your results and a verification form to fully activate the app. If you want to learn more, go to http://checmateapp.com/#about.  I know Mr. Sub and I will be getting this app when we go for our biannual testing in June!

Bisexuality and Swinging

As I have stated before, part of the reason we are getting into swinging is because I want to explore my bi-curiosity.  The really interesting thing I have discovered is the number of women that post as being bi-curious, bi-comfortable, or bisexual.  In fact it is rare to find a profile where the woman lists as straight.  It seems to be expected in the lifestyle that a woman be bisexual to some extent. On the flip side, men are expected to be straight.  In fact there are many couples that will not play with another if that man identifies as bi-curious, bi-comfortable, or bisexual.  I would image that there is a skew somewhere.  I know that many men do not list their true orientation out of fear. I also believe many women post as some form of bi for similar reasons.

A while ago, while listening to a Life on the Swingset Podcast, I heard about something called the Kinsey Scale.  The Kinsey scale is a rating tool that determines where you lie on the gradient from Homosexual to Heterosexual. It is determined with a series of questions about past, present, and future sexual history/desires. A score of 0 means you are exclusively heterosexual and a score of 6 means you are exclusively homosexual.  From what I’ve read, this is not an absolute meaning that your number can change over your lifetime. Klein modified Kinsey’s scale into more of a grid.  I was able to find a good questionnaire for Klein’s grid which also gives you HTML code that you can copy to share your results. So without further ado…

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 1.38

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this exercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person’s sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person’s lifespan. While a person’s number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like “homosexual”, “heterosexual”, and “bisexual” need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz on Young Southampton
After I have had a few experiences with a female, I will retake and re post my results to see if it changes.

As one last note I want to say that I think society is pretty crazy.  It is acceptable, even encouraged, for women to be bi.  Those same people will freak though if a guy identifies as bi. And no, Mr. Sub is not bi in any way he asserts, but we are bi-friendly as long as rules are followed.

 

The Risks of Swinging

I have been writing this post in my mind for well over a month.  The one thing about swinging that freaks me out is the chance of contracting an STD (or STI as some places are trying to convert the terminology.) It’s nice in a marriage to know that you and your partner are disease free and will stay that way as long as neither of you have an extra-marital affair.  Once you start inviting people into your bed, you are putting yourself at risk.  When I started looking into swinging I did a lot of research on STDs and transmission risks.  The best list detailing risk that I found is on the San Francisco City Clinic website.

From talking to other swingers and reading on message boards, it seems the vast majority use no protection for oral sex, though many do seem to use condoms for vaginal or anal sex.  There is of course the group that always ride bareback. On our one and only experience we decided that we would go with the safest sex we could. Condoms were used for all contact, including oral sex performed on him.  We left it up to him if he would use protection (ie. a dental dam) as that risk is almost entirely his.

I understand that a lot of it comes down to trusting your partner and that they are clean.  It is important for people in the lifestyle to get tested for STDs frequently, unfortunately not all do.  People also forget that some of these infections have an incubation period of up to 6 months.  Which means you can be exposed, test negative, but still pass the infection on unknowingly.  We really haven’t played, but know it is important that you sit down and have a serious conversation on STD status, sexual history, and play practices.  It is not a comfortable conversation, but it is a necessary one to keep yourself and your partner safe.

So you have chosen a single or couple to play with and feel they are relatively low risk for carrying an infection based on the talk you have.  Now were do you go with the safer sex practices? Of course sex is more fun and feels better without barriers, that’s how we were made to do it! I get it, condoms suck for (most) guys. Some can’t stay hard with one on, others can’t cum, and some rare ones actually like them because they are able to last longer. I can also imagine it’s no picnic to go down on a girl with her pussy covered in saran wrap. And lets face it, most of us enjoy tasting each others sexual fluids. Giving a BJ with a condom on is not quite as fun for either person and the lubes taste nasty.  There are flavored condoms that aren’t too bad, but the flavoring comes off quickly and you are left sucking on flavorless latex…kinda like having a balloon in your mouth.

Now to where I’m at in all this.  I would much rather give a BJ without a barrier. I also love the feel of bareback sex, sometimes a condom can be too distracting for me.  I love cum – let me repeat that- I LOVE cum.  I love tasting precum while I’m give a blow-job, it is a signal to me that I’m doing something right.  I also love the taste of cum, most of the time at least….remember guys you are what you eat and steak and beer makes your cum taste awful! On a side note, if you want to make sure it tastes really good, eat pineapple. I am also a big fan of cream-pies. I love the feel of a cock throbbing in me and the warm feeling of his cum filling me.  I also enjoy feeling it leak out.  If this was a perfect world and STDs didn’t exist…Hell Ya Bareback all the way! But that is not the case and I need to figure out where I stand.  By looking at the chart I am exposed to pretty much the same stuff giving oral sex to a man as I am having vaginal intercourse unprotected.  I really don’t want to use condoms for oral.  In my mind I keep thinking, “well, if you don’t use condoms for oral just take him bare in your pussy too.” I’m just so confused.  I’m not sure what our play rules should be.  It also seems like everyone that has talked to me wants to play bare (I think a lot because they know we are clean and new to the l/s.)

So what is a girl (or guy) to do? What are your thoughts on this? What are your safer sex rules?

So I’m an Exhibitionist

Over the last few months I have spent a lot of time in the Kasidie chat room.  I started out just chatting with the other people in there.  Then I got brave and turned my webcam on.  I would just show my face at first so people could see who they were chatting with.  After a little while I got brave and started showing some cleavage which led to flashing my breasts.

I started having several guys that would chat with me very regularly, who also claimed to love pregnant women.  During this time I was still pregnant and visibly so.  I eventually went on to perform cam shows occasionally for several of these guys (with Mr. Suburbanite’s permission.)  I would get so turned on by doing these shows that I would literally drench my panties.  I loved the attention and also enjoyed when they would participate by sending me provocative messages or even going on cam themselves.  During a time when I normally wouldn’t feel sexy, I felt incredibly hot.  I was desired by men that weren’t my husband.  It’s was pretty heady feeling and it majorly increased my self confidence. Knowing that I was turning guys on, and even being their “spank” material, was and is really hot for me.  It is so awesome to know that you can get a guy so turned on he cums just from watching you play with your tits!

Over this time I collected a fan club of sorts.  There are still times that I go into chat and there are people that will log in solely to chat with me.  I feel popular for the first time in my life!

I can’t wait to explore my exhibitionist streak while playing in a swingers club.  I’m sure I’ll be nervous at first, but hopefully that will quickly turn into major horniness!

:-* Gwen

Brushing the Dust Off

So it’s now January and I have neglected the blog long enough! Time to dust it off the keyboard, wipe the cobwebs out of my brain, and get busy. Things have been pretty slow on the swinging front.  We have chatted with couples and singles, but still have not gotten any further than that. On a positive note, we have continued to talk and our communication skills have improved. Also, during my hiatus I had my baby girl.  I am currently in the midst of an 8 week doctor imposed sex free streak.  I didn’t think it would bother me.  It does. I have been horny and wanting sex since even before I was pain free.  Well, I guess I’m not totally pain free yet but at least I can walk without clutching my lower abdomen.

I have been running different post topics through my head for months, and even started a few but ended up abandoning them.  I hope to start getting these topics out there and posting more frequently as we start to ramp up towards truly entering the swinging world (some how I don’t think one threesome experience counts us in as swingers!)

If I am able, I hope to get my next post up later tonight.  Of course that totally depends on if my baby decides to actually sleep for longer than 15 minutes without me holding her.

Check back soon!

~ Gwen

Getting Back onto the Swing

I really think suburbanitedad and I have made some great progress.  We make a point to talk about things regularly and express what we want/ are interested in.  We decided to give it a go trying to find a unicorn or couple before I go on “maternity leave.” We ended up renewing our Kasidie account as I was just not impressed with the several other sites we tried out.  The worst was the emails and chat requests on swinglifestyle.  In a matter of 24 hours we received 10 emails and you can only respond to 5 emails a day as a free member.  We tried it for a week, but after getting completely bogged down in emails (and the inability to respond) we decided it wasn’t worth it especially seeing how there weren’t many profiles we were interested in.

I do have to go off on a little rant though.  To all the single men in the lifestyle (and it seems especially on swinglifestyle) – I do not want your main pic to be a picture of your cock!  I don’t mind seeing it (suburbanitedad really doesn’t want to), but honestly I’m not going to like it if I don’t like what goes with it.  Try starting out with a body shot with at least some underwear on.  Fully clothed can be good as well, that helps me get a sense of your style.  After I’ve established that I’m attracted to you, then I might enjoy a good cock shot. Thank you! Ok, rant over.

Anyway, our search for play partners is a little slow now.  We had been chatting with two couples to see if things might work out, but both randomly stopped communicating so we are back to square one.  In the mean time suburbanitedad and I are enjoying looking through profiles to see what types of couples we are both attracted to.  We seem to have very similar tastes, so that works out well for us.  I’m really enjoying the chat rooms on the site.  It’s fun to just chat with other sexually open people in a non-threatening environment.  Suburbanitedad even admitted that he’d be interested in trying out the chat feature and we have a “date” to go on chat together tonight.

In almost totally unrelated news I bought myself a nice pair of thigh highs and a garter belt today.  They look really sexy on and of course we had to take a few pictures…and a few pictures turned into an afternoon delight.  So we are a very happy couple at the moment!

Update

Well, things have settled down and Mr. Suburbanite and I have talked and talked some more!  We have worked out a lot of the issues and realized a lot was failure to communicate.  Most of it was that hubby didn’t speak up for what he wanted and instead went with the flow.  Now he knows that I am not a mind reader, despite my best efforts, and that he has to be the one to say or suggest something that he wants.  He’s still feeling a bit possessive of me (ie. doesn’t want to share me with another guy, but girls are OK! LOL) so we’re going to see what happens.  I’ve done some research for him on his concerns and sending him links to what I think will help (thanks swingersboard.com!) He seems to be getting some help that way and realizing every experience is different.

We are still talking about having another experience, this time with either a single female (the illusive unicorn) or a couple.  He’s still not sure of his comfort level seeing me with someone else, but he does want to try having sex with another woman.  The girl/girl play would be a bonus.  We only have about a month on possible play time remaining as I don’t want to play too close to my due date.  That may change if I really just want to get this kid out and need help starting labor…lots of sex is supposed to be good for that! Anyway, our free trial ended on Kasidie and we haven’t renewed yet.  He has asked me to give him until tomorrow to decide if we will renew and actively search for a single female/couple to play with at some point in the near future.

I would rather get it over now instead of waiting until after the baby.  I know those first 3-4 months are terrible for sleep deprivation and playing will be the last thing on my mind.  The other issue after is that I am planning on breastfeeding as long as I can, not so hot when you’re in the sack.  I had a pretty strong let down with my previous kids and found that I could actually spray milk during an orgasm.  I don’t know too many guys that are into that, I know hubby isn’t.  Needless to say all encounters after that surprise required me wearing a bra with my nursing pads!

Anyway, crossing fingers that we’ll be searching and find someone to play with soon!

We Jumped in the Pool!

I’m not going to do the ”kiss and tell” thing on here…that story is for my private collection only! Sorry to disappoint if that’s what you were hoping for.  Anyway, we met the guy we had talked to for dinner.  I thought we all got a long pretty well and the guys seemed to hit it off conversation wise (I don’t remember talking a lot.) At the end of the dinner we decided to go back to his hotel room for some fun.  I totally had butterflies in my stomach until we actually got in his room and I started relaxing again.  We all got started (the part I was the most freaked out about) by hubby coming up behind me to rub and kiss on me and I had my fantasy of the MFM sandwich fulfilled.  It was fun and nice…though I think hubby was so nervous he stripped me down real quick so I didn’t get to enjoy it  as long as I had hoped. Everything seemed to be going well and I tried my best to give equal attention to both guys, which might I add is pretty hard to do when you’re in an orgasmic cloud!  I did keep checking in with hubby the entire night and he seemed fine other than a bit of embarrassment over loosing his erection when it was his turn the first time.  The guy and I both told him it was normal and not to worry, but I’m not sure he believed us.  The night seemed to go well from my perspective.  I had a great time, felt beautiful and desirable (something I haven’t felt much of lately), and experienced multiple orgasms.

The drive home was quiet, though we were both tired and running through what had just happened – still everything seemed fine.  The next morning I got a shocker.  Hubby was clearly not OK anymore and barely would talk to me, look at me, or even be in the same room.  I had no idea what to do and there was no way we were going to be able to have a private conversation until our kids were in bed that night.  I gave him all the space and processing time I could and tried to leave him to sort things out even though it was killing me on the inside.  I had no idea if he now wanted nothing to do with me (ie. I had caused the destruction of my marriage) or if he’d be OK once he processed his feelings.

We finally got to talk that evening and I was relieved to find out that no, I did not destroy our marriage.  He was really surprised by his feelings and the things he had issues with and those he didn’t.  He told me it was hard for him to see me have an orgasm by another guy, but he did initially enjoy watching me have sex with him.  He had ancipated a feeling of compersion (pleasure from watching your partner receive pleasure) but that was not there.  He also felt in competition with the other guy (I think the performance issue caused that) and a bit like a third wheel.  He did say that he could tell that I was trying not to leave anyone out, I guess I just need to try harder next time.

I still don’t think he gets the “this is just sex” thing and that it’s just different with someone else.  Yes, the other person might be better at one aspect or another but overall it’s just sex and its nice to have a little variety.  He has still only ever had sex with me and I have a feeling he will never understand until I can get him with someone else. He is still worried that I will find him lacking or “not enough” anymore despite my assurances to the contrary.

I was actually surprised by my absolute lack of emotional response.  I had prepared my self to have unexpected feelings and had none.  Yes, I got the little rush with the first kiss just like anyone does with a new partner, but that was it.

Due to his emotional response he doesn’t want to try anything else now.  I had worked on finding a female for him (and possibly me) to play with, but he isn’t very interested now.  We decided to take down our SwingLifestyle profile, as we weren’t very impressed by it anyway, and we will ghost our Kasidie profile until everything is worked out.  I was at least happy to hear he didn’t want to totally delete it!  I have a feeling this will get worked through (though it may take some time) and that we will eventually get back in the pool.  Only time will tell….

Almost here

Wow, I can’t believe it’s Friday already!  Well, hubby and I have chatted via email with the guy we are meeting tomorrow and we think he still sounds cool.  At this point I’m excited and a little nervous.  It’s been a long time since anyone has seen me naked, never mind had sex with someone else!  I can’t help but wonder if he will in fact me attracted to me in person (and vice versa!) even though there seems to be some chemistry online and attraction via pics.

I will admit that I am a bit of a control freak, yes I am a type A personality and a bit dominant in my relationship, bet you would have never guessed that! :-p  Anyway, I can’t help but worry about the awkwardness of getting things started.  We are meeting for dinner and for the boys to have a drink or two and if things go well we’ll be heading back to his hotel room.  My biggest concern at this point is really two-fold: will I be able to judge what hubby is OK with (he’s a bit introverted with feelings); and, how the heck do I get things going with the other guy without making my hubby feel left out/jealous?  I’ve tried many different idea ice breakers out in my mind and I just really have no clue what to do.  I think I’m going to add a couple “naughty games” into our fun bag incase we need help getting started.  I’m thinking cards (strip poker), naughty dice, and a jenga set we have with sexy dares on the pieces.  What I’d really like to do is just be the dominant female and walk over to the other guy and start kissing him while motioning my hubby to come over and join it.  I would love to be kissing and kissed by both guys, as a MFM standing sandwich, as they slowly undress me and me them.

I also worked on making hubby a little less inhibited this week.  I had chatted with a long distance couple on Kasidie, who were answering some of my newbie questions and flirting as well.  They suggested trying a web cam, so I brought it to hubby and he thought it was worth a try.  So, one night we set up the web cam and I proceeded to give the other couple a show by pleasing hubby with a nice BJ.  Both men (watching and receiving) seemed very happy during and after the proceedings, and I felt pretty good too!  At least it was a little bit like inviting someone in our bedroom to watch – a step toward asking someone to join. Here’s hoping it was enough to get him ready for (and to relax enough to enjoy) tomorrow night *crosses fingers.*